Tag Archives: responsibility

Only when you let go of everything are you free to do anything

Posted on by

Is the process of living truly, of really growing up, a messy—even somewhat dangerous—process? Absolutely. For it is not a clean and simple process—learning to think for ourselves. Because we will make mistakes, and will succumb to our conditioning, and we may think we are right when we are wrong, and we might do wrong things thinking we are right. But this is part of the process, and there is no way of getting around it.

In the realm of ‘child development’ they call this ‘growing pains,’ and that is exactly what adult-children have to go through as well. There is no avoiding it. Some will do it better than others. Some will not be able to do it in this lifetime, maybe not the next, maybe not the next.

If you’re one of the very few people who are actually part of the solution, accepting the fact that you will not see societal fruits of your labor in this lifetime is crucial. Part of this, though, is that you must realize that ‘the path’ (of seeing and living things as they really are) is the goal (in this life-time/dimension). The effort-process is the reward. For in reality, there is no such thing as ‘end,’ or ‘reward.’ They are but illusions as well. There is no end ‘Utopia’ where everyone will just be happy and be living the life of Eden, for let’s not forget that the bliss of Eden was the bliss of ignorance, not enlightenment. For to get to that point of enlightenment is but the beginning, not the end; it is the beginning.

And so you must understand it not in the Christian perspective of getting later on what you work for now, for that is wrong. Rather, you must see that what ‘you’ are ‘getting’ is the work itself, is the doing itself. To know and be and do true to your true not-self is it (in this life). What else could possibly be desired? It is beyond desire.

Only when one truly accepts this can they really do it, for then they are not self-righteously feeling as if they are ‘sacrificing,’ and suffering for a ‘better future’. There is no such thing as ‘future’. There is, and only ever is, now. The future simply does not, and will not, and cannot, exist, as you think of it. This does not mean that one should be myopic, not at all. It means to do, now, mindfully. To do, now, mindfully, will take care of the myopia problem.

Will you be ‘sacrificing’? Probably. There is no getting around it. You will certainly have to/grow to let go of, if not give up, many things that you crave/selfishly desire. But I don’t think you need to give up the things that really matter: food, shelter, warmth, clothing, and best of all, real love. This kind of life does not preclude any of these things. And, especially when it comes to real love, it can be a wonderful life, so much more wonderful, so much more, than the self-deluded life that most people live, for only in living this kind of life is one able to live real love.

The point is to not let your conditioning, your selfish desires, control you; you must control them, you must learn to control yourself, and this takes practice. If you let desire rule, then you’re on the wrong track.

There is nothing wrong with material things, in themselves; what is wrong is to not see them as, and for what, they really are; for when it comes to us humans, it is not the thing itself, but how you see it, that matters, that makes you who and what you are.

And so, you may not need to give up those things you currently desire, but the point is that if you are doing it right, it will be okay if you don’t get them, which is essentially the same as not desiring (getting) it. If it is not okay that you do not get what you desire, then you aren’t doing it right.

“It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything.”

(Tyler Durden, in Fight Club, by Chuck Palahniuk)

That is a brilliant—yet often misunderstood—idea, as it is often said from the attitude of losing material things, and losing all hope, but it is not ultimately about that. Ultimately, it is about letting go. And that does not mean having to live a life of poverty or depravity. It means letting go of that to which you cling (physically, emotionally, mentally, ideologically, even ‘spiritually’). It is about letting go of thinking you need what you desire. It means letting go your desire. Only when you let go can you ever then really ‘have’ anything, for you won’t have it in the way you previously understood that verb. And so I would change the phrase a little:

Only when you let go of everything are you free to do anything.

The more you peel away the layers of your conditioned existence, the more illusions you dissolve, the more you understand what is not, the more you feel the love that is reality.

It just doesn’t get any better than that.

.

From my personal notes, 8/23/00

Progress is a Process

Posted on by

Only when people stop giving it lip service, and realize that we are all the same, that we are all one, will things really change. Because at that point things could not help but change. For when you take away the idea of self, of ego, of I, of ‘personal’ ‘property’—’mine not yours’; ‘ours not theirs’—it subverts and essentially negates all of those Western ideas and concepts on which our societies and governments are based and run. There would be, there could be, no capitalism, nor socialism, nor communism, nor any system based at all on the idea of ownership, on ‘me,’ or ‘us,’ or ‘they,’ or ‘you.’

If there is one concept that is the root trouble-maker when it comes to ‘society,’ it is the concept of ownership, for within that concept rests the concept of I, of mine (‘owner’). If there is no me, no self, in the way that Western ideology (mis)understands it, then there simply can be no concept of ownership—it is utterly precluded from existing as a reality—for it is, in really, an illusion.

This is why socialism is the closest of the systems of social organization to reality, but the reason socialism doesn’t work in practice is that the people all need to understand and live these truths. Since that is not the case, it won’t work.

A theory is not wrong because it does not work in a certain practice, with particular conditions; for it is possible to change the conditions and the theory may work just fine. So the problem is not necessarily the theory, but the conditions into which it is thrown. Of course socialism doesn’t work—if for no other reason than the people need to have it imposed upon them, that they still need to be, and want to be, controlled. You can’t toss larvae in the air and expect them to fly. You can dress a child up like an adult, but it will still be, in reality, a child in adult clothing.

The only way for ‘socialism’ to work, and further, for ‘anarchy’ (no central government) to work, is for everyone to ‘get it.’ The only way to achieve this kind of higher level of social organization is to work on helping everyone get it. And that is a slow, and hard, and thankless job. But there is no magic wand to wave over the world that will cause people to wake up the next morning and just get it.

For better or worse, life is process, and as such, we must understand that this, too, is process, is a process, and as a process, we must do the work that we can as being part of that process.

The progress you make may not be what you wished it would be, but then you must at that point realize the work you still need to do on yourself if you are still thinking that way, are still being controlled and led by your ego’s desires and selfish interests.

The only way (I see) to work for the solution is to do what you can do, to help the process of real education, to help people educate themselves properly—that is, to help them learn personal responsibility, how to think for themselves, to see that they actually and really do want to control themselves, to grow up. (This should in no way be understood in the way those slimy Republicans blather on about “personal responsibility”, since that comes from not giving a rat’s ass about people, and what I’m talking about here comes from giving a whale’s ass about people.)

Although it’s a cliché, clichés are clichés because they are often true, and this is no exception: By helping one person you are helping to change the world, for it must happen as a process, and we are a part of that process.

To look for a shortcut is to not get it. That would be yet another indication of lack of true awareness. There are no shortcuts to happiness, to living truly. This is something that anyone who gets it needs to fully accept.

I know that that is one of the things I am personally working on right now. It isn’t easy. It goes against what people call our ‘human nature’. But, as my point has always been, that is not necessarily our entire human nature, it is our conditioned way of being, and what is conditioned can be de-conditioned. But, again, it is a process, and the point is that we need to do what we can to help ourselves and people in the right direction. And to do that means that we need to look at our own lives and examine what we are doing with our time and energy. Are we really working for the solution, or are we thinking we are working for the solution but really working towards the problem?

Are we subverting the system, or are we inadvertently supporting and strengthening it?

It means that we need to realize that we cannot help everyone. We need to choose who we try to help, and work with, and learn from. For it is all also a part of our own path, our own awakening.

This takes much, much effort and concentration. And for better or worse, the more a person realizes these things, the more they will realize, as I have, that they cannot be of this system and work towards the solution, for a part of the solution is the subversion and replacement of that system, not with another system, but with reality, with love, with no longer needing such a system.

The more you realize the truth of things, the less you will be able to live your life the way you have been living it, the less you will be able to fit into the system. If that doesn’t happen, then you’re not on to the truth of things yet. It’s pretty much a guarantee, actually. And that is another reason why most people fail and give up—because they don’t have the strength to do this. They may see a part of the truth, but their egos, their selfish desires, are still more powerful. In the end, they are weak.

.

From my personal notes, 8/23/00

Forgiveness

Posted on by

Forgiveness. What does ‘forgiveness’ mean? What does it really mean to forgive? Does it mean to no longer care, to not care? Does it mean to ‘let go?’ How is forgiveness different from forgetting? How do you forgive? Who needs to be forgiven? Is there a point in forgiving someone who doesn’t think they’ve done anything wrong? Do we only forgive what is wrong? Is forgiveness about them, or us? Do we sometimes think that it’s about us when it’s really about them?

What are things that fall into the realm of forgiveness? I ponder whether I, myself, need forgiveness; but, for what? What have I done that I consider wrong? What makes something wrong? Wrong for whom? Whom have I wronged? To me, a thing that needs forgiveness is a wrong done to another, doing something to intentionally hurt someone. That is an act that may fall into the realm of forgiveness. But just because someone may ‘feel’ that I have wronged him or her doesn’t mean that I necessarily did something wrong, for if I do not intentionally mean to hurt someone, then how can I be held responsible for their feelings?

This also goes into the realm of whether or not we can say people hurt other people, or if it is rather that people are in control of their own feelings, and either allow themselves to be hurt or not (which does not have to also mean not caring); the point is where the control lies.

I have discussed this elsewhere, so I will not go into it again here. But I feel it comes down to intention and motivation. If the intention is hurtful, or selfish, basically is not from a place of love and truth, then I think that we can say that a person can hurt another, and that that could fall into the realm of forgiveness. But if the intention is not wrong then I do not think that person can be said to hurt another, for it is rather the person hurt who has not understood the situation correctly, and thus, they are hurt by their own ignorance.

And so I go back to myself. Do I feel the need for forgiveness, and if so, for what? I know that I feel guilt, but not for things I have done. I do not need to be forgiven for whatever I feel guilty about, for that which I have not done. (Imagine someone who thinks they do.) I grew up feeling (made to feel?) guilty about various things, though I think this is typical of many children. There is a fine line between feeling bad, feeling sad, and guilt. But I can’t think of things I have done for which I would seek forgiveness.

This is a very complex issue. One of the things we cannot avoid in this discussion is the concept of ‘sin.’ I have already said that I do not believe in the concept of sin, for it has overtly religious overtones, and there is a particular stigma attached to the idea of a sin. By definition, a sin is something that requires forgiveness. Here is the point where it all goes awry. I am not saying that people do not do things that are wrong, or hurtful, or hateful, and even deplorable, for such things are done every day all over the world. But one of the problems I have with the concept of sin is that many of the things that are considered to be sins by the (illegitimate) ‘powers that be’ are not things I consider to be sins.

People are made to feel guilty about so many things that they should not feel guilty for at all. But when we consider the things that I do consider to be wrong, then it gets complicated. Take, for example, the act of cheating on someone in a relationship. This is not an accidental act. It is wholly intentional, and the intentions cannot be anything but selfish, immature, and cruel. How do you forgive someone for that? Again, what does ‘forgiveness’ really mean? Does it mean that an act that was not okay becomes okay? That doesn’t make sense. I think that it is more complex than that.

.

From my personal notes, 8/20/00

Time to no longer be afraid

Posted on by

I was thinking about how hard it is to be the only person that really believes in me, and how much better, and, in many ways, easier, it is when someone you really care about and respect and love believes in you, how wonderful that could be. But I do not have that, and so I feel that I need to find the strength and confidence within myself to do it, because I do not have it coming in from outside.

I think that I realize that while it is great to hear that someone else believes that you have something to contribute, that that is not enough, that I need to believe it in myself, that I need to believe in myself if I am really to do it, and do it well.

And so I need to figure out how to be me. I need to figure out how to be the well-oiled me, because right now, I am like a car engine with years of deposits that are keeping it from running well and smoothly. I need to figure out how I can run smoothly, for only then can the things come out of me that I know are in there waiting to come out when they are ready.

I need to clear my mind, clear the cobwebs from my mind.

A lot is going on with all this: there is fear, and I know that I need to find the confidence to do it; I need to not be terrified of being alone; I need to figure out how to not let feeling un-safe cripple me, or hold me back; and there is the feeling that this is the time, that this is the time for me to really start this, that I have finally begun to figure out who it is that I am, and how I should go about being that, though it is not all clear to me.

It is not something that fits into the machine of this society, and so I need to figure out how to be me in this society, and yet not get caught up in it in a way that will hold me back any longer.

This will not be easy, for most people are still in “the matrix,” and, as the movie said, many people are so much in it that they will fight to defend it; and that is hard, because who I am is all about fighting against the matrix, of freeing myself from it.

This is not easy, and it is something I feel I have been struggling with my entire life.

I need to clear away the shit that is keeping me from being who I really am, from expressing who I really am in the ways that I feel are right for me.

I know that I need to allow myself to be myself, that I need to allow for the things that will come out of me to come out of me, and that the work needs to be directed towards clearing away the shit in order to allow it. I need to clear the way for the coming of me, and what I have to express, create, and contribute. And that involves the courage necessary to face and fight the fear that holds me back.

It is time for me to no longer be afraid, to no longer be afraid to finally step out there, into the world, as me, come what may. Because I know full-well that if I do not, that I am guaranteeing myself a life of aloneness and incompleteness and unhappiness.

I need to not feel responsible for this kind of thing for anyone else, for that is their responsibility, and not only would I be doing myself, and them, a disservice by taking it upon myself, but it is wholly impossible, anyway, for me to deal with or take responsibility for that which is theirs alone. Wow. Only now have I been able to really see this.

The hard thing in all this is to get down to earth, to bring these general, and almost abstract, concepts down to the real world, to my real life, to the specifics of me and my life, and deal with them as opposed to just recognizing them.

.

From my personal notes, 7/10/00

The Importance of Motivation

Posted on by

The importance of motivation—it is interesting to me the difference between doing what is right and good out of fear of punishment or hope of reward—or some other selfish motive—and, on the other hand, doing what is right and good because it is right and good.

Now, those who fall into the former category are what I would call children, and those in the latter I would call (real) adults.

We can also see clearly here how this has to do with self-control vs. being controlled, as well as responsibility. Children are unable to exert self-control, and so, in order to get them to do what is right, they must be controlled by means of the threat of punishment (violence, jail, loss of what they desire, etc.), or the enticement of reward (a material thing, a sweet, wealth, honor, a place in heaven, etc.). But (real) adults have no need to be controlled in order to do what is right, and so do not require such enticements or threats.

Now, the question is rightly asked: “What is this ‘right and good,’ and who decides it?” The answer is that no one decides it, for “it” is reality and truth, which are not subject to our illusory subjective perspectives and opinions.

That which is right and good is that which is in accord with truth, and therefore not in accord with illusion and delusion.

That is not a criteria that I, or anyone else for that matter, could decide. It rather simply is. It is according to the “authority” of the truth that one experiences/sees/recognizes in the process of going from illusion to reality, of going from illusion to seeing something as it really is. That is truth, that is the “authority” for what is good and right—reality, which is the absence of illusion.

.

From my personal notes, 6/14/00

Our Responsibility to Children

Posted on by

Do we have the right to do what we want to our children, or do we have a responsibility to do what we can for them?

We do not have the right to do whatever we want to and with our children. Children are not property, they are not “owned.”

I have often pondered whether I think that having and caring for a child should be earned (that is, for people who live in a society)—maybe prospective parents should have to demonstrate that they are capable of doing so properly. I think that in a society of spiritual children—of unenlightened people, in other words—raising a child is, and should be, a responsibility, not a “right.” Children need help growing and developing. As much as they can do on their own, it is a fraction of what they could do with the right help.

Children are not tools for adults to fix their own problems and issues with; they are not servants, slaves, pets, or property. They are people, living beings; and to limit and hinder the growth, development, and happiness of children is one of the worst things that happens in the world.

A child is not “free” in the sense that, ultimately, freedom is an aspect of adulthood; but that does not mean they are somehow less than human, less than a living being.

It is the job of adults to realize that children are conditioned, cannot help but be conditioned (unlike adults, who can help it, if they want to), but it is our job to help them, encourage them, respect them (yes, I said “respect”), and teach them how to be free and responsible people, which, of course, entails thinking for themselves. Of course, this would requires a relinquishing of the “power over others” that parents so often feel (and ignorantly use as a substitution for exerting proper control over themselves) when they have children.

.

From my personal notes, 6/6/00