Tag Archives: process

Only when you let go of everything are you free to do anything

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Is the process of living truly, of really growing up, a messy—even somewhat dangerous—process? Absolutely. For it is not a clean and simple process—learning to think for ourselves. Because we will make mistakes, and will succumb to our conditioning, and we may think we are right when we are wrong, and we might do wrong things thinking we are right. But this is part of the process, and there is no way of getting around it.

In the realm of ‘child development’ they call this ‘growing pains,’ and that is exactly what adult-children have to go through as well. There is no avoiding it. Some will do it better than others. Some will not be able to do it in this lifetime, maybe not the next, maybe not the next.

If you’re one of the very few people who are actually part of the solution, accepting the fact that you will not see societal fruits of your labor in this lifetime is crucial. Part of this, though, is that you must realize that ‘the path’ (of seeing and living things as they really are) is the goal (in this life-time/dimension). The effort-process is the reward. For in reality, there is no such thing as ‘end,’ or ‘reward.’ They are but illusions as well. There is no end ‘Utopia’ where everyone will just be happy and be living the life of Eden, for let’s not forget that the bliss of Eden was the bliss of ignorance, not enlightenment. For to get to that point of enlightenment is but the beginning, not the end; it is the beginning.

And so you must understand it not in the Christian perspective of getting later on what you work for now, for that is wrong. Rather, you must see that what ‘you’ are ‘getting’ is the work itself, is the doing itself. To know and be and do true to your true not-self is it (in this life). What else could possibly be desired? It is beyond desire.

Only when one truly accepts this can they really do it, for then they are not self-righteously feeling as if they are ‘sacrificing,’ and suffering for a ‘better future’. There is no such thing as ‘future’. There is, and only ever is, now. The future simply does not, and will not, and cannot, exist, as you think of it. This does not mean that one should be myopic, not at all. It means to do, now, mindfully. To do, now, mindfully, will take care of the myopia problem.

Will you be ‘sacrificing’? Probably. There is no getting around it. You will certainly have to/grow to let go of, if not give up, many things that you crave/selfishly desire. But I don’t think you need to give up the things that really matter: food, shelter, warmth, clothing, and best of all, real love. This kind of life does not preclude any of these things. And, especially when it comes to real love, it can be a wonderful life, so much more wonderful, so much more, than the self-deluded life that most people live, for only in living this kind of life is one able to live real love.

The point is to not let your conditioning, your selfish desires, control you; you must control them, you must learn to control yourself, and this takes practice. If you let desire rule, then you’re on the wrong track.

There is nothing wrong with material things, in themselves; what is wrong is to not see them as, and for what, they really are; for when it comes to us humans, it is not the thing itself, but how you see it, that matters, that makes you who and what you are.

And so, you may not need to give up those things you currently desire, but the point is that if you are doing it right, it will be okay if you don’t get them, which is essentially the same as not desiring (getting) it. If it is not okay that you do not get what you desire, then you aren’t doing it right.

“It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything.”

(Tyler Durden, in Fight Club, by Chuck Palahniuk)

That is a brilliant—yet often misunderstood—idea, as it is often said from the attitude of losing material things, and losing all hope, but it is not ultimately about that. Ultimately, it is about letting go. And that does not mean having to live a life of poverty or depravity. It means letting go of that to which you cling (physically, emotionally, mentally, ideologically, even ‘spiritually’). It is about letting go of thinking you need what you desire. It means letting go your desire. Only when you let go can you ever then really ‘have’ anything, for you won’t have it in the way you previously understood that verb. And so I would change the phrase a little:

Only when you let go of everything are you free to do anything.

The more you peel away the layers of your conditioned existence, the more illusions you dissolve, the more you understand what is not, the more you feel the love that is reality.

It just doesn’t get any better than that.

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From my personal notes, 8/23/00

Progress is a Process

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Only when people stop giving it lip service, and realize that we are all the same, that we are all one, will things really change. Because at that point things could not help but change. For when you take away the idea of self, of ego, of I, of ‘personal’ ‘property’—’mine not yours’; ‘ours not theirs’—it subverts and essentially negates all of those Western ideas and concepts on which our societies and governments are based and run. There would be, there could be, no capitalism, nor socialism, nor communism, nor any system based at all on the idea of ownership, on ‘me,’ or ‘us,’ or ‘they,’ or ‘you.’

If there is one concept that is the root trouble-maker when it comes to ‘society,’ it is the concept of ownership, for within that concept rests the concept of I, of mine (‘owner’). If there is no me, no self, in the way that Western ideology (mis)understands it, then there simply can be no concept of ownership—it is utterly precluded from existing as a reality—for it is, in really, an illusion.

This is why socialism is the closest of the systems of social organization to reality, but the reason socialism doesn’t work in practice is that the people all need to understand and live these truths. Since that is not the case, it won’t work.

A theory is not wrong because it does not work in a certain practice, with particular conditions; for it is possible to change the conditions and the theory may work just fine. So the problem is not necessarily the theory, but the conditions into which it is thrown. Of course socialism doesn’t work—if for no other reason than the people need to have it imposed upon them, that they still need to be, and want to be, controlled. You can’t toss larvae in the air and expect them to fly. You can dress a child up like an adult, but it will still be, in reality, a child in adult clothing.

The only way for ‘socialism’ to work, and further, for ‘anarchy’ (no central government) to work, is for everyone to ‘get it.’ The only way to achieve this kind of higher level of social organization is to work on helping everyone get it. And that is a slow, and hard, and thankless job. But there is no magic wand to wave over the world that will cause people to wake up the next morning and just get it.

For better or worse, life is process, and as such, we must understand that this, too, is process, is a process, and as a process, we must do the work that we can as being part of that process.

The progress you make may not be what you wished it would be, but then you must at that point realize the work you still need to do on yourself if you are still thinking that way, are still being controlled and led by your ego’s desires and selfish interests.

The only way (I see) to work for the solution is to do what you can do, to help the process of real education, to help people educate themselves properly—that is, to help them learn personal responsibility, how to think for themselves, to see that they actually and really do want to control themselves, to grow up. (This should in no way be understood in the way those slimy Republicans blather on about “personal responsibility”, since that comes from not giving a rat’s ass about people, and what I’m talking about here comes from giving a whale’s ass about people.)

Although it’s a cliché, clichés are clichés because they are often true, and this is no exception: By helping one person you are helping to change the world, for it must happen as a process, and we are a part of that process.

To look for a shortcut is to not get it. That would be yet another indication of lack of true awareness. There are no shortcuts to happiness, to living truly. This is something that anyone who gets it needs to fully accept.

I know that that is one of the things I am personally working on right now. It isn’t easy. It goes against what people call our ‘human nature’. But, as my point has always been, that is not necessarily our entire human nature, it is our conditioned way of being, and what is conditioned can be de-conditioned. But, again, it is a process, and the point is that we need to do what we can to help ourselves and people in the right direction. And to do that means that we need to look at our own lives and examine what we are doing with our time and energy. Are we really working for the solution, or are we thinking we are working for the solution but really working towards the problem?

Are we subverting the system, or are we inadvertently supporting and strengthening it?

It means that we need to realize that we cannot help everyone. We need to choose who we try to help, and work with, and learn from. For it is all also a part of our own path, our own awakening.

This takes much, much effort and concentration. And for better or worse, the more a person realizes these things, the more they will realize, as I have, that they cannot be of this system and work towards the solution, for a part of the solution is the subversion and replacement of that system, not with another system, but with reality, with love, with no longer needing such a system.

The more you realize the truth of things, the less you will be able to live your life the way you have been living it, the less you will be able to fit into the system. If that doesn’t happen, then you’re not on to the truth of things yet. It’s pretty much a guarantee, actually. And that is another reason why most people fail and give up—because they don’t have the strength to do this. They may see a part of the truth, but their egos, their selfish desires, are still more powerful. In the end, they are weak.

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From my personal notes, 8/23/00

The Ego is a Wily Trickster

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When one talks about ‘changing the world,’ he or she is really talking about people, and the effects that people have had on the environment. The way to ‘change the world’, then, is to change people. And wise people will understand that that really means that the way to change the world is to love people and help people change themselves.

I think the best thing we can do for people, for anyone, is to love them. It is such a simple yet profound truth, that I am somewhat overwhelmed when I even think about it, but it is just so, so true.

What loving people really means, though, entails understanding what love really is, what loving people really constitutes, and this cannot be accomplished until we each individually accept that the self, the ego, is an illusion, and that no matter how much we do for other people, it is not about ‘me.’ This is one of the most subtle, yet profound, things a person must grasp in order to really start walking the path of enlightenment.

The problem is that the ego is a wily trickster, and people often delude themselves into thinking they understand and accept the truth of the self and the ego, and yet when it comes down to it, the enormity of the illusions of their conditioned existences pops up again and again, getting in the way of real acceptance and real progress. This is the difference between knowing the path and walking the path. The difference is much more difficult, and fraught with obstacles, than most people think.

I say this from my own experience. The more I understand and accept, the more I see that there are changes in my life, and things I need to do, or stop doing, that I am not yet ready to do, even though I know that they are hindering my progress. But what I have done is to accept the truth of the truth that who I think I am is not who I really am, and that in discovering who I really am lies all the answers to every question I have ever had, lies true and real happiness.

But the trick is that it takes practice, it takes time, and patience, and real courage. It takes dealing with things and emotions that are not usually present in our normal daily lives; those things that come up and surprise us when we feel lonely, or are sad, or are reminded of something that we may have denied or repressed. One must first understand and accept the truth of the truth, and then—and this is key—one must actively live it.

Again, the great thing about all this is that truth is truth, and everyone has the answers within themselves. Since everyone wants the same things in life, when I say that most people do not understand what love really is, and that it is necessary for them to do so, and to live real love, I know that it is not up to me to tell them what real love is, definitionally. Rather, I know that everyone, deep down, already knows what love really is, and that it is something they need to allow themselves to realize and admit to themselves.

This is the absolute fucking beauty of this process. It’s so beautiful that I am still blinded by its beauty, and overwhelmed by its enormity. But the more I move forward on the path, the more manageable it gets, the easier it gets to accept it and do it.

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From my personal notes, 7/17/00

Time to no longer be afraid

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I was thinking about how hard it is to be the only person that really believes in me, and how much better, and, in many ways, easier, it is when someone you really care about and respect and love believes in you, how wonderful that could be. But I do not have that, and so I feel that I need to find the strength and confidence within myself to do it, because I do not have it coming in from outside.

I think that I realize that while it is great to hear that someone else believes that you have something to contribute, that that is not enough, that I need to believe it in myself, that I need to believe in myself if I am really to do it, and do it well.

And so I need to figure out how to be me. I need to figure out how to be the well-oiled me, because right now, I am like a car engine with years of deposits that are keeping it from running well and smoothly. I need to figure out how I can run smoothly, for only then can the things come out of me that I know are in there waiting to come out when they are ready.

I need to clear my mind, clear the cobwebs from my mind.

A lot is going on with all this: there is fear, and I know that I need to find the confidence to do it; I need to not be terrified of being alone; I need to figure out how to not let feeling un-safe cripple me, or hold me back; and there is the feeling that this is the time, that this is the time for me to really start this, that I have finally begun to figure out who it is that I am, and how I should go about being that, though it is not all clear to me.

It is not something that fits into the machine of this society, and so I need to figure out how to be me in this society, and yet not get caught up in it in a way that will hold me back any longer.

This will not be easy, for most people are still in “the matrix,” and, as the movie said, many people are so much in it that they will fight to defend it; and that is hard, because who I am is all about fighting against the matrix, of freeing myself from it.

This is not easy, and it is something I feel I have been struggling with my entire life.

I need to clear away the shit that is keeping me from being who I really am, from expressing who I really am in the ways that I feel are right for me.

I know that I need to allow myself to be myself, that I need to allow for the things that will come out of me to come out of me, and that the work needs to be directed towards clearing away the shit in order to allow it. I need to clear the way for the coming of me, and what I have to express, create, and contribute. And that involves the courage necessary to face and fight the fear that holds me back.

It is time for me to no longer be afraid, to no longer be afraid to finally step out there, into the world, as me, come what may. Because I know full-well that if I do not, that I am guaranteeing myself a life of aloneness and incompleteness and unhappiness.

I need to not feel responsible for this kind of thing for anyone else, for that is their responsibility, and not only would I be doing myself, and them, a disservice by taking it upon myself, but it is wholly impossible, anyway, for me to deal with or take responsibility for that which is theirs alone. Wow. Only now have I been able to really see this.

The hard thing in all this is to get down to earth, to bring these general, and almost abstract, concepts down to the real world, to my real life, to the specifics of me and my life, and deal with them as opposed to just recognizing them.

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From my personal notes, 7/10/00

Pursuing real happiness is hard

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If you are happy not because of what you have, but because of who you are, then you are in a great position. But I do not think that this is as easy as many people would think, for I do not think it is as easy to know who you are as many people think it is. I think, rather, that it is the hardest thing we can do, and it is the most important and far-reaching thing we can do, for it is all-encompassing in terms of our whole lives.

It is also a process, not a place or a thing, and so it is not something that one can say they have “done,” for such a thing is never really done (past tense of “do”), as much as it is being done. But I do think that the more you try to know who you are, the more you make the right efforts to do so, the more happy you will be. The less you do them, the less happy you will be. And while I do think it is impossible to be happy alone, I think that it is impossible to not be alone unless one first begins to truly and honestly make (the) right efforts.

In other words, he/she who remains a child, who stagnates in the swamp of ego-based delusion, will necessarily be alone (whether or not he/she is physically “with” someone or not). Only when we begin to awaken, when we have the courage to truly begin questioning the illusions of our conditioned existences, can we be in a position to not be alone. For we must see the reality of the illusory nature of the ego in order to see that it is precisely this ego-based understanding of life, of reality, that necessarily makes us separate and alone.

As such, pursuing real happiness is so much harder than people think it is, not because of the path itself, but because of our willing (yet often unwitting) acquiescence to our conditioning and our conditioned system of a society. An illustration of this is that it is much easier for us to feel “happy” when we do have things and it is harder to feel happy when we have no things, not just material things, but emotional things as well. This is because we humans have a very difficult time separating material, transitory happiness—let alone emotional happiness/”security”—from real happiness.

Many people who think they are really happy are being held up by their material/emotional happiness; it is not who they are but what they have (whether it be another person, or money, or actual material things) that is making them “happy,” and they are essentially kidding themselves without even realizing it. They are seeing/living an illusion, not reality.

Perhaps this is why it is so hard for people who seem to have everything to really be happy, because all of the stuff they have is getting in the way of them having to confront and deal with who they are; for it is very hard for people in this society to differentiate who they are from what they are and what they have. Most people are very confused and ignorant when it comes to identity, and have not really given it enough thought. The more honest thought they give to this subject, the more they will realize that they don’t know as much as they think they do.
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From my personal notes, 6/15/00