The tools that people use against people like me are many, and they are often subtle and complex. They make you feel that you are wrong, stupid, arrogant, that you don’t get it. By the means of their conditioning—that they do not understand the way things really are—they are unable to really love, and so I am ostracized and isolated. They make me feel that I am the problem. They make me feel that I am crazy, paranoid of a conspiracy that doesn’t really exist.
And it does not exist in the way they force it upon your mind. It is a conspiracy, but it is one of ignorance, of pride, of fear. It is self-sustaining, and not run by a group of people, it is not connected to strings controlled by a puppet-master. And this is something too subtle for most people to understand, so they create and attack a ‘straw man’ instead, because that is easier, and is also part of the defense of the system, part of the conditioning as well.
I think that part of my work is to try and understand the system, for how can I really fight against it well if I do not understand it well? I need to understand both the system and reality. Both. It is complex, and difficult, and thankless. It is everything that the system is not, everything that those in the system fear and will fight against. And in this way it is a war, but one must be very careful of this analogy, and not take it too far.
I am a freedom fighter. And, as such, I need to live as that, while not living as a soldier, for that is not the right way. I fight, but I must fight with love, though that sounds contradictory.
I must fight with freedom, and with an open-mind, and, therefore, I must think for myself; things that soldiers are trained not to have and do, which is why I am not a soldier, in the traditional sense of that word.
I must fight with truth, for truth begets truth.
This is so much easier said than done, and yet that is what I have.
The hard thing is that most people are not wholly part of the system. Everyone is a combination of in and out. That is good, but it also makes it very hard, for it is hard to deal with everyone on their level, especially when it is hard to get to know their level without really knowing them.
But, I also know that I can’t chase everyone’s egos. That’s not the right thing. I need to be myself; and the more I am myself, the better I will be able to deal with anyone that comes along in the way that is right for that situation.
This is the use of mass communication, for you put it out there and hope that some people will get it. This is why I want to think globally and act locally, but also think locally and act globally. Both. This is key for me, and what I know I can do.
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From my personal notes, 7/10/00
