One of the things I need to resist, and I think I have been doing it very well lately, is the pressure to jump into the system. People want to push you into the system, even if they realize that you may not fit in it well.
It is hard for me to trust most people, because it is like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, or The Matrix, where it is hard to know who is your friend or enemy, or at least who is being ignorantly manipulated by the enemy (‘the system’). Like you often hear in sci-fi: trust no one. This is for good reason, for those who do not follow this are almost assured to be sucked in and held captive in some way.
It is hard, of course, because it is a life of loneliness and isolation. But I do not think that it needs to be. This is one of my biggest challenges. It is a life of being misunderstood, on different levels, and by most people, and so it is a very hard life; or, at least fairly lonely, for whether or not it is ‘hard’ has a lot to do with my own degree of enlightenment. Either way, it is a life that takes a lot of courage to live right.
In a way, I am like those people in The Matrix, part of a resistance, but, at least right now, I am on my own, not even really sure that there are other real resisters out there. I feel that there are, but part of the problem is that the line between resistance and collaborator is often not an easy one to find with many people. And those who want to resist, or know certain things about it, may think they are a resister, but are really not free enough to be.
And so the problem is that it is not black-and-white; it is not easy to find those who are really resisters. Many of those who would resist cannot handle it well, and end up defeated. I think this is widespread.
It is important to always remember that the enemy of your enemy is not necessarily your friend. This is one of the biggest problems with gathering a strong unified resistance, for many of those who feel that your enemy is their enemy are not doing it all for the right reasons, are not doing it with open minds and hearts, with love, but rather with hate, or fear, or envy, or pride, or whatever.
This is why it is very rare. It is very rare to find someone who truly understands the trappings and illusory nature of the ego; for many ‘resisters’ are still resisting with their egos, and that’s still, ultimately, part of the problem.
I need to be strong, because I know that pretty much everyone out there is functioning, consciously or not, to suck me in, though they are not necessarily even trying. It is just part of the programming, part of the conditioning that people believe in. And so they may be sincere, but that does not mean that they are on the right track.
Everything seems to be set up to be against who it is that I am. The intricacies of the ways that people resist the truth, resist people like me, are many. For most, it is some combination of hate, envy, fear, arrogance, weakness, weariness, etc. It is such a complex web.
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From my personal notes, 7/10/00
