I want to see what I can contribute. It’s not so much that I want to make the world a “better” place, for I think that is a more slippery and elusive slope than most people think. “Better” is an arbitrary and subjective concept. Rather, I want to contribute what I can to this life.
What do I have to contribute? What do I have to contribute? That is about who I am, not what others think I should be, not according to what others think is right or wrong, moral or immoral, better or worse.
If I am true to myself, then whatever it is that I contribute will be right. The trick is to not be too self-concerned and presumptuous enough to think that I know what is right and try to do that. Rather, I should try to know and be who I really am, and be and do that; let others judge or not judge as they will, and to not let it affect or influence me. The point is to be true to myself, to trust myself, to believe in myself, to have faith in myself. Not to think that I am more or less important than anyone else, for that is outside the realm of what I am talking about. This is about truth; being true to who I really am.
It’s not arrogant to see reality. It is not arrogant to be real, but it can sure be tricky. When I think about me being who I really am, I see myself as being a part of the whole of life, as being one with life, of really living, of being right as opposed to wrong. Right means true, true to reality. Wrong means being of and about illusion, that which is not true, that which is not real.
I wonder if being myself has more to do with attitude, with my attitude, than it does with what I do, or accomplish, in the eyes of others. I think that this has to do with believing in myself, with having the confidence to live my own precepts and not the judgments of others.
No one has the power to keep me from being who I am unless I allow them to. If I know who I am, and if I am who I am, no one can stop me, no one can change my attitude unless I let them. That is true power. That is personal power that no one can change. That is character, that is true strength. It is our choice, because once we make that choice, no one can do anything about it. No one can make you believe something you don’t want to believe.
Most of us are free do what we want to do. Unless you are in chains, unless someone is actively controlling your brain, then you do what you want to, and it is unproductive and delusional to think otherwise.
I look around and of all the people I see, no one is forcing them to do what they are doing. To think that you are not free when you are free is to allow yourself to be controlled, when the reality is that it is your choice to allow yourself to be controlled, and thus, ultimately, you are in control—you are controlling whether or not you are in control. This is obvious when you realize that if you see this and decide not to be controlled in ways that you had previously been controlled, you see that no one can do anything about it. That is why you are in control.
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From my personal notes, 5/16/00
