To live by other people’s judgments and beliefs is to live a lie, to live a life of illusion.
I do not think, in any way, that people should live by “my beliefs,” or the way I think they should live. The only way this could be said is that I do believe that everyone should question their own beliefs and assumptions, that everyone should think, hard, about life, about themselves, and should be open-minded about it all. This is what everyone should do, but this is not narcissism, for this way of being is not something that I have invented and am trying to impose upon others. Rather, it is a path of “awakening” that is there, available to anyone who has the courage to follow it. And what I have seen along my path, during my process, is that if everyone does this, according to their own karmic beings, of course, though everyone will do it somewhat differently, everyone will see the same truths, for reality “is;” I do not decide it.
I have no interest in imposing a reality on someone; rather, I believe that everyone should take control of their own lives, should break out of the chains of their illusions and unquestioned beliefs and assumptions.
To say that this is narcissism is, again, to miss the point entirely, and to not really listen to, let alone think about, what I am saying.
And so, the point is that I do not ask people to live by a certain dogma, but to realize truth by (not “for”) themselves by thinking for themselves, by awakening.
Again, though, we do not decide what is, and so to say that what I discover along the path is different than you do on yours is to not properly follow, let alone understand, this path. This is not saying that what you come up with is “wrong” if it is not what I come up with, for it is not about coming up with anything at all, but rather about discovering what is; and those who follow the path properly will understand this, and will be able to transcend the ego-oriented attitudes of “mine” and “yours,” of “my” reality as opposed to “your” reality, for such distinctions are illusions and unrelated to reality.
The point is that I am not “imposing my belief system” on anyone. I am proposing that people question every belief system, and that simply cannot be called an imposition of belief, for I want people to control themselves, and not be controlled.
But, a big first step in this process is to recognize and accept that we are controlled by our illusions, that we live conditioned existences according to those illusions. Only when people realize this, can they start to deconstruct their conditioned existences, to dissolve those illusions through open and honest questioning and examination. This is the process of enlightenment, and it is the same for everyone.
Everyone must do this for themselves; it is a major part of the process, and so, again, we can see that the idea that I am imposing my beliefs on others simply does not fit into the realm of what I see/recognize or want to do.
Again, if you think about it enough, you will see the truth of it, for I do not create truth, but rather choose to be open to it. It is the difference between arrogance and courage. One cannot be who they really are by thinking they know who they are, but rather by seeking who they really are. Most people mistake arrogance, fear, and selfishness for being who they really are, when that is more properly identified as who they are. I have learned the difference, which is why I think I am finally ready to be myself.
It is both poignant and ironic that when I say that I need to stand up for what “I believe in” (more properly understood as “see”), it is very different from what most people mean by those words. It is funny how it is such a fine line between being yourself and being arrogant, assumptive, and close-minded, for it is impossible to be who you really are and be close-minded. Again, it bears mentioning that being open-minded does not mean to treat as valid that which is invalid. To do so is, actually, weak and cowardly.
There seems to be to be a subtle, yet important, difference between not caring about what other people think about you and not caring about people. I think most people cannot negotiate this subtlety.
To dictate your own life, while being open-minded, is the way to be yourself.
I need to make sure that I only care about what the people who know, and care about, who I am think about me. To not do so would be to take the other extreme and be counterproductive. I just think that I have cared too much about what people who do not know who I am think.
People who truly care about and love you will support you, not undermine you, or judge you, or try to mold you.
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From my personal notes, 5/7/00
