From where does this need come to be judged in the eyes of others? It is a desire for validation. And yet people crave, and think they need, validation from that which is inherently fickle and volatile, impermanent—that is, the opinion, the judgment, of others. Because our ego-oriented, dualistically-inclined minds tell us that we do not exist without someone to see us, to tell us we exist, to validate our existence.
So do we need others to validate/determine whether we are good or bad, right or wrong, pretty or ugly, and so on? We are thus, at our most basic levels, conditioned to be dependent on the validation of others for not only our own existence, but how—and how well—we exist. We rely on others, either directly or indirectly, to decide for us who we are.
This is how most people live their lives, whether they are aware of it or not. They do not understand that we do not exist because of, we are not defined by, the perceptions of others. Just like that thing over there which we call a tree, we exist; the tree does not exist because we perceive it and thus validate its existence, just as we do not exist merely because others perceive us. Of course, I have also argued that we are defined by our perceptions of things, so the point is not that we can exist in a vacuum without anything else also existing, but rather that it is not other people’s perceptions of us, but our perceptions of them and all things, that define us and make us who we are.
Can we then say as well that our existence is dependent upon our perceptions of ourselves? When we see this, we see that we base our happiness, our sadness, our beliefs, our insubstantial judgments and opinions, our very existences, on not only the perceptions of other people, but our own. Thus, we base everything on perception, for without perception, we cannot even fathom existence. This is one of the most important hurdles for humans, our understanding of reality, the universe and our place in it. If we base our existence on perception, then we will always be confused, disappointed, and feel insubstantial, for that on which we base our very being is insubstantial and illusory by its very nature.
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From my personal notes, 11/26/99
